.

.

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Enduring Adversity

 We have been very blessed to be able to stay in touch with some of the other Senior Missionaries who went through MTC training the same time that we did that have since scattered all over the world.  One of those couples is Elder and Sister Sandberg who are currently serving in Mexico.

We have enjoyed sharing email messages with them and reading each other's blogs to know of one another's experiences.  Theirs is called "Los Sandberg in Mexico".

In reading one of their recent posts I was so touched by the story they shared from the article "Path to Palmyra" by Matthew S. Holland.   This was printed in the June issue of both Ensign and Liahona and can be found HERE.

Here is background on this piece:

"
From a devotional address, “The Making of the Book of Mormon, Joseph Smith, and You,” delivered at the Provo Missionary Training Center on February 15, 2014. The author lives in Utah, USA.


This is the first article in a two-part series about the Prophet Joseph Smith. The second article, “The Coming Forth of the Book of Mormon,” will appear in next month’s issue of the Ensign."

 Matthew Holland is president of the University of Utah Valley and is son of the apostle  Elder Jeffrey R. Holland.

Here is what the Sandbergs shared about the article:

First he goes through all the challenges the Smith family had before the first vision: losing a store, many crop failures, Joseph's surgery on his leg, and other things that I did not know.  He even talked about a volcano going off in Indonesia that caused one of the crop failures.  He talks about how Lucy Mack was robbed while traveling during many of their moves.

Then he makes the point that all in all is was part of Joseph's preparation for his mission and part of getting him to Palmyra where he needed to be.

He concludes with these words of encouragement to the missionaries, and to us, that we remember that God is directing our lives.

"Remember this as perhaps the first lesson of Joseph’s life and the coming forth of the Book of Mormon. In spite of failure, mishap, and bitter opposition—and in many cases precisely because of those things—Joseph Smith got exactly where he needed to be to fulfill his mission. So, if now or on some future day, you look around and see that other perhaps less-devoted acquaintances are succeeding in their jobs when you just lost yours; if major illness puts you on your back just at the moment critical tasks of service seem to come calling; if a call to a prominent position goes to someone else; if a missionary companion seems to learn the language faster; if well-meaning efforts still somehow lead to disaster with a fellow ward member, a neighbor, or an investigator; if news from home brings word of financial setback or mortal tragedy you can do nothing about; or if, day after day, you simply feel like a bland and beaten background player in a gospel drama that really seems made for the happiness of others, just know this: many such things were the lot of Joseph Smith himself at the very moment he was being led to the stage of the single most transcendent thing to happen on this earth since the events of Golgotha and the Garden Tomb nearly 2,000 years earlier.

“But,” you may say, “my life and earthly destiny will never be like that of the Prophet Joseph.”

"That probably is true. But it is also true that your lives do matter to God, and your eternal potential and that of every soul you will meet is no less grand and significant than that of the Prophet Joseph himself. Thus, just like our beloved Joseph, you must never give up, give in, or give out when life in general, or missionary work in particular, gets utterly painful, confusing, or dull.  Rather, as Paul teaches, you must see that “all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

"Just as He did with young Joseph Smith, God is shaping and directing you every single day to ends more glorious than you can know!"

These are such powerful words!

I was thinking about all the people  who prepared me to receive this message.  Working backward, here are just some of them:

1)  The Sandbergs themselves for having shared the story on their blog
2)  Brother Holland for having given the talk in the first place

3)  Elder Holland and his wife for having raised a son who would be so inspired to give this talk
4)  The Colleague who taught me about blogging back in 2006.
5)  The missionaries who taught my parents the gospel
6)  The teachers who taught me to read.

Every one of these, and probably heaps more, had a part in my reading this post today and feeling my heart lifted.  Likewise,  ALL the experiences we have can work together to place us into whatever circumstances have the best potential to help us develop the characteristics, knowledge and experience the Lord wants us to have.  The choice is ours.   

Laman & Lemuel were raised by goodly parents and saw angels, just as much as Nephi.   The older brothers of that family, however,  allowed pride, jealousy, stubbornness and other aspects of the "Natural Man" to harden their hearts and become seeds of contention.


I will choose every day how I will respond to the experiences I have.   Some with be wonderful things and some will be truly awful things.  Many will simply be boring, tedious, or mundane.  But ALL my life experiences, even the really grim & painful ones, can work together for good  IF - and here is the big "if",  I turn to my Heavenly Father and seek the Spirit for guidance.   Just because someone goes through hard times does not automatically make them stronger.  Some become bitter and cranky.  Others let the experience soften their hearts and teach them greater compassion.  Not everyone who has tremendous blessings recognizes the source of those blessings.  Some get all the more greedy.  Others are filled with gratitude and humility, using their good fortune to reach out to help others.   Over and over again, it is our individual agency that will determine whether the experiences we have - both good and bad- make us better people or not.

I hope I can always remember this, and to choose wisely.




Saturday, June 27, 2015

Tuff Crater Path

(Image from walksinaukland.com )

We got all our chores done yesterday evening so we would have some free time to go exploring this afternoon.   We took a walk along the Tuff Crater trail.  What a great spot to find so close to home! 

This is an old volcanic crater that was at one time just an overgrown mess with marginal habitat for wildlife.  In recent years there has been a major restoration project going on to improve area around the estuary.  Today there is a lovely trail with lots of bird life.

About the restoration:   Last May there were "1700 plants moved from Kaipatiki Project and placed out by 20 people over 8 trailer loads in 2 hours on a Friday afternoon in the rain. These plants were planted by 80 people in 2 hours followed by a volunteer run BBQ" (2015. ForestandBird.org.NZ)



Here is a quick 3 minute video about the project:

This is something we very much would like to get involved in, so I will be contacting the folks who are managing the ongoing efforts.

This is how the how the wetland were looking today:




Here is the site description from the 2009 Restoration Plan:
"Tuff Crater is located on Auckland's North Shore, and is a total area of 30.7ha ranging from 0 –20m elevation above sea level. It is often referred to as Tank Farm due to the historical fuel oil storage tanks semi-constructed by the United States Navy (c.1942-43) as part of the war in the Pacific (Birkenhead Historical Society, 2006). The tanks are now decommissioned and have become overgrown habitats with various exotic species and natives including raupo. The tank sites have been numbered 1-9 from the Millennium Forest end. A former freshwater crater lake formed by explosive eruptions and surrounded by steep tuff rings, Tuff Crater has been breached by the sea with rising sea levels, becoming an area of sheltered intertidal mangrove and salt marsh communities, fringed by pockets of freshwater wetland and sparse exotic and indigenous forest and plantings.

The crater is largely round, with reserve situated on the fringes of the crater, except where the Auckland-Waiwera Motorway runs to the southeast of the crater. This is where all the tidal exchange takes place via the tidal creek into Shoal Bay of the Waitemata Harbour. There is minimal freshwater input into the crater".

Because we are now in winter here in the southern hemisphere it was chilly enough to warrant a jacket.  Still, the sun was out, which made it a very pleasant afternoon/evening.   Many of the trees have lost their leaves, but there is still plenty of green around and some flowers blooming - something we don't get much of back home in our North American winters.







I'm very keen to see what this gem of a place will look like come spring and summer.   It's just a 10 minute drive from our flat and a real treasure to the north shore community.

Of course, it doesn't hurt at all that there are several geocache hides scattered along the trail - two of which we found today.



Tuesday, June 23, 2015

DNA Testing for Family History

Photo from Scientific India - short article about Russia's plans for a DNA bank
sort of like a "Noah's Ark" holding genetic material of every creature we know.
Read HERE

For some time now I have been planning to write a blog post about DNA testing as a tool for genealogy research.   This is something I personally have a lot of ambivalence about.  So, I was going to do a bit of research to see what claims were out there (both pro and con) about whether to pursue DNA testing, then give some details about the various companies that offer home test kits.

However, once I started doing my research, I quickly discovered there was no point in my trying to cover this topic at all.  It had been addressed in multiple places from just about every point of view you can imagine.

So rather than re-hash a much discussed subject,  I have gleaned a few resources on the topic that I think do a fairly good job. I am listing them here in alphabetical order by title, followed by the source, author and date.  (No more APA citations for me, thank you very much - my days of academia nit picking are DONE!)


Following each listing I give brief comments on what I see as the strengths and weaknesses of the resource.

I've hot linked to the original articles and their sources for anyone who wants a closer look.

Enjoy!


Autosomal DNA testing comparison chart 
entry on wiki published by 
The International Society of Genetic Genealogy (ISOGG), compiled by Tim Janzen  
Last Updated 18 June 2015

What's great about this:  

This is a living document that is regularly reviewed and updated.  It offers detailed side-by-side comparison of the features of DNA test currently offered by several different companies (Ancestry.com, FamilyTree, National Geographic, 23andMe, and Chromotest)

What turned me off:        

Lots of dense data without narrative or graphics.  Very informative,but not particularly engaging.

Deep Roots
University of Texas at Austin
Jennifer McAndrew

2 July - 16 July 2007


What's great about this:


This is a great essay about the ethics of DNA testing which points out some of the drawbacks about the conclusions we think we can make from their results.  It brought up some great points about our perceptions about race, identity and what we believe about science.


What turned me off:   

It did not compare pros/cons of specific tests or companies at all.   So if that is what you are looking for, this article won't help you in that regard.  However, that was actually fine by me, because it was not the point of the article.   It's fairly short and an easy read - I think very worthwhile for anyone who is considering getting tested to read before ordering their kit.     Also, this was the oldest of all the sources I chose to include in this list.  Again, however, that was not a negative to me since I believe the issues raised in the essay are every bit as pertinent today as they were when this was written.


Lesson 2: Which DNA Test?
Wheaton Surname Resources: Beginner's Guide to Genetic Genealogy
KELLY (MOSIER) WHEATON
Copyright 2013, Updated 5/2015


What's great about this:  

This specific post is well done, but is part of a larger context that REALLY impressed me.  While this blog and the research project it refers to are surname specific, there is plenty of top notch information here about using DNA as a research tool that can help anyone interested in the topic become more informed.

What turned me off:        

Honestly, there was so much good stuff here that I can't whine about a thing.  I will go back to this source again and again to learn more.

More bang for DNA test bucks 
blog post at The Legal Genealogist (written by a genealogist with a law degree)
Judy G. Russell
Published 28 July 2013



What's great about this:

I really liked the way the author's voice in writing style drew me in.  It explains complicated scientific information to the lay person in simple terms without talking down to me as if I were dumb.  Even if some of the details of what's out there may change over time, this was a good primer to help me understand what the different kinds of DNA tests are and how they work.

What turned me off:        

The article is dated.  This is an emerging field that undoubtedly will have shifts over time.  I want to know what is true NOW, not back in 2013.  This post was actually an update of a similar post that Russel had offered up 14 months earlier.   Still, time marches on and things are still changing.  

Tenth Annual Family Tree DNA Wrap Up
DNA eXplained - Genetic Genealogy
Roberta Estes
15  October 2014



What's great about this

 I almost skipped over this one - it was my least favorite.  But I decided it was worthy of listing here because of all the many links and rich information throughout.  If you can get past the "what I did on my summer vacation" tone of the piece, there are some real gems here.

What turned me off:        

I didn't care about the difficulties the author had getting out of Texas due to storms and some of the descriptions of the conference.  Even when the article was on topic, I was not keen on the writer's style.  It was getting late by the time I got to this one, perhaps I was just too tired to read one more website about this stuff.   This one definitely made me say "put a fork in me, I am DONE".  I was more than ready to turn off the machine by the time I got to the end of it.   Still, as noted above, it was more than worth wading through for the value of the information and the links.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Devonport Museum



 On our trip to Devonport a couple weeks ago we met a very nice couple while walking through Mt. Cambia Reserve.  Keith and Libby were just coming back from working on a project at the local museum where they both volunteer.  When we explained we were Family History missionaries, they told us we really must come to the museum on a Wednesday to meet with Boyd Miller.  Boyd is one of the museum volunteers who is heading up a special genealogy project to record and organize family information about early Devonport pioneers. Today we finally had an opportunity to do just that.


According to the Museum websiteThe Devonport Historical and Museum Society Inc. was formed in 1977. The building is part of an old Presbyterian Church which was moved to its current location in two parts in 1978.  At that time the site was the location of an old quarry, but in the years since it has been nicely landscaped, so you would never know that by looking at it today.

The collections at the museum are an ecclectic mix of things that have been donated by locals over the years.  Spread out over two stories and filling up several rooms, it was quite interesting to go through the various exhibits.

We particularly enjoyed meeting Boyd and hearing about the genealogy project he is heading up.

For about the past five years, the museum has been collecting various documents and letters from and about Devonport pioneer families.  Currently they have artifacts referring to about 70 different families.  This information has been reviewed and "extracted", entering relevant data of names, dates of birth, marriage and death  into the museum's Legacy family tree program. They now have information on about 19,500 individuals and are able to see how various families were related to one another.


Boyd Miller - volunteer who has organized the genealogy archives at Devonport Museum
Mr. Miller, a retired civil engineer, has put in many painstaking hours to carefully create a series of carefully indexed binders listing the information the museum has in their collection. As time and resources permit, the museum committee will create a series of displays depicting information about these early pioneer families and their relations.

On of my favorite displays in the museum was the collection of wedding photos:


As I looked into the faces of these people in wedding parties from the 1920's, I couldn't help but wonder what they lives were like - in what ways were their joys and challenges similar to my own and in what ways were they completely different?

I look forward to going back again to this museum to get a better look at some of the other collections.  They've done a nice job of helping history to come alive.




This ship model is sitting on a large butcher block made of a slice of a 600 yr old kauri tree.

This is an "arithmometer" produced in 1911.  It is an example of one of the first calculating machines that were commercialized and manufactured in large quantities for use in offices.  It could add and subtract two numbers, as well as perform long multiplications and divisions,  For forty years from 1851 - 1890 it was the only type  of mechanical calculator in commercial production and was sold worldwide.   


This panorama shows Devonport and all the surrounding area with markings on the glass cover indicating where each section of the town is and even showing the original sale price for various parcels of land.

This is just a small sample of the extensive shell collection that was was donated to 
the museum.  There is another, much larger cabinet with rows and rows of drawers filled
 with various types of shells that had been collected by a particular local woman 
who had a life long love of the sea.




Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Records Preservation Missions

Photo From Deseret News
There are many different types of mission experiences.   One of the Family History assignments that is possible is a Records Preservation Mission.  


This type of mission involves working with various churches, county, state or federal government archives,  or private organizations, to photograph the documents in their archives for sharing with the world.

Our boss, Mike Higgins, negotiates with government leaders throughout the Pacific Area to seek permission for access to various records.   Once a particular record set has been identified as valuable for being rich in genealogical data (such as birth, marriage and death records, probate or land records, etc) then talks are opened between the Registrar or whatever other official person has authority to make rules about those records and the Family History Department managers from the Church.   Careful agreements are worked out which specify exactly which records the Family History Department of the Church may gain access to for preservation and what the terms will be for how those records may be shared.

In some instances, whole archives may be photographed, but only those 110 years old or


Photo  from LDS.Com
older can go online.  In other cases, certain records can be made available in family history centers but not on the internet.  There are privacy and security issues at stake.  Beyond that, many governments charge substantial fees for copies of their records.  If the LDS church starts giving free access to all those records the governments will lose a lot of precious resources they depend on.

However, there are good reasons for governments to open their records to FamilySearch.  The church does not pay for access to records.  However, they do provide all the 
complicated equipment and missionary / staff hours of labor to get the work done - which equals a very substantial investment.  Once the church has recorded any data set, the group or government who owns that data generally gets full access to the records for their own use in a way that can be safely retrieved for many years to come.   Particularly here in the Pacific where cyclones, earthquakes, volcanoes and other natural disasters can wreak havoc on physical buildings and all that is stored within them, having a back up of key information stored safely in the "Granite Mountain" back in Utah is clearly a major advantage.


A classic example of how the Church's records preservation efforts paid off is when Niue lost many of their records in a cyclone.  Because the church had already photographed many of those records, they were able to replace the majority of the destroyed information from backups in the Granite Mountain:




 FamilySearch has worked with more than 10,000 archives in over 100 countries. They "started preserving and providing access to the world’s historical records for genealogy purposes in 1938 using microfilm and distributing copies of the film through its global network of 4,600 local family history centers. In 2007 it made the shift to digital preservation and access technology and began publishing its massive historic records collections online.


It took 58 years to publish the first two billion images of historic records on microfilm—which was limited to patrons of its local family history centers and affiliate public libraries. In the past seven years, one billion images have been published on FamilySearch.org, which expands access to anyone, anywhere, with Internet access. DeGiulio projects the next billion images should take about three to five years to publish."  (Church News 2014).

There are currently two different teams of records preservation missionaries working in New Zealand - one in the North Island and one in South Island.  The ones we know here are on North Island are Gill and Evelyn Brunson.   We don't see them often since their work is entirely focused off site in the Auckland Archive building.  But they do come to our twice a month Senior Missionary Family Home Evening, and we always enjoy catching up with them there.  At our last FHE the Brunsons gave a terrific presentation about the work that they do.



Sister Evelyn Brunson

Elder Gill Brunson


"Since 2012, FamilySearch has been working with Archives New Zealand to preserve the records of 320,000 probate cases, including wills, court pleadings, family letters and estate inventories. The archive tracks the number of cases, but not the number of documents in each case. Using a very conservative average of 10 pages for each case, there are at least 3 million documents to be photographed, probably many more than 3 million. As of now, after nearly 3 years of effort, a little over 25% of the cases have been photographed and placed in the FamilySearch database. It will likely take another 5 years or more to complete the project at current production rates". (Notes from Elder Brunson)


When the Brunsons arrived here in April of 2014, only one camera was in operation and one other couple (the Murdocks) were working on the project. The Brunsons set up a second camera and worked with the new camera until health issues forced the Murdocks to return to Utah last October. Since then the Brunsons have kept both cameras running in separate rooms within the archive building.  They are really busy people!



This is where they work:








In addition to preserving paper records against the ravages of time, weather, rats, or other destructive forces, the Church also sends missionaries to record oral histories in various parts of the world.

See Article HERE

The Church has an ongoing need for Senior Missionaries who are willing to serve records preservations missions for the Family History department.    Particularly for any who speak Spanish, Portugese, or Italian there are foreign missions very eager to find new folks ready to work camera crews.   There is also a great need all over the United States for those willing to take on this sort of mission.    Here is a video showing what others have to say about records preservation missions:





For more information about Senior Mission Opportunities of ALL sorts, see Senior Mission Opportunities  HERE.

Sunday, June 14, 2015

High Tide / Low tide

Auckland Low Tide from AirwaysandTravels blog

Tide shifts happen twice a day here (semi-diurnal) and around Auckland can create a difference up to 3.5 meters (over 11 feet) in water level.  Land that I walk on at some points during the day is  completely under water at another time. Places where boats sail with ease at high tide are left high and dry when the tide ebbs back out.

Just when those high tides and low tides will come shifts a little bit each day, with the phases of the moon.  According to  MoonConnection.com

"As the Earth spins on its own axis, ocean water is kept at equal levels around the planet by the Earth's gravity pulling inward and centrifugal force pushing outward. 

However, the Moon's gravitational forces are strong enough to disrupt this balance by accelerating the water towards the Moon. This causes the water to 'bulge.' As the Moon orbits our planet and as the Earth rotates, the bulge also moves. The areas of the Earth where the bulging occurs experience high tide, and the other areas are subject to a low tide. "


Fisherman and folks who like hiking along the shoreline are wise to check the tide tables to know when their favorite spots will be safe for standing and when they will be under water.

(Auckland Tide Table)

Life also has its ups and downs, but not with any predictable sort of pattern.   Some days we have spirit souring, mountain top experiences.  Other days are a struggle.  I can't google "rotten day schedule" in order to better prepare for those storms of tough times that hit us all from time to time.  One of the opportunities of life is to develop sufficient resilience to adjust through the varied seasons of blessing and challenge.

(ExperienceLife.com)




Lists like that are all fine and good, but when facing serious life challenges, physical or emotional pain, relationship struggle, financial reverses or any other life-slap of adversity, it can be hugely difficult to keep a bright outlook.

"Avoiding or escaping discomfort becomes almost a guiding purpose of life, as if getting around such pitfalls were the essence of a happy life. The gospel teaches, however, that the presence of painful experience is an important element in man’s capacity ultimately to experience joy—and not just because it feels so good when the pain stops! "


Over the past three months I have dealt with the physical pain of an injured shoulder. I took a bad fall the last week we were in Samoa and have been hurting ever since.  I had X-ray and ultra-sound which ruled out any possible breaks or tears.  But after all this time I'm still having fairly significant pain, often waking me up at night which leads to a vicious cycle of not getting enough rest, making it even harder to fully heal.   I've seen a physiotherapist and a chiropractor.  I've done exercises and used heat packs.  I've had priesthood blessings and I've tried a number of different things to try to get relief.  Still, the pain in my arm continues. I've got an appointment coming up with a shoulder specialist with hope he may have some answers as to why I don't seem to be getting better.

In the mean time, however, I've had ample opportunity to ponder pain that we have in our life and how we respond to it.

In an April 2011 Conference talk entitled "The Atonement Covers All Pain", Kent F. Richards relayed this quote attributed to Orson F. Whitney:
"“No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. … It is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire.”


He further went on to quote Elder Robert D. Hales who after recovering from a major heart attack said: "Pain brings you to a humility that allows you to ponder. It is an experience I am grateful to have endured. …"

I cannot honestly say at this point that I have learned to be GRATEFUL for pain, especially not during the time I am enduring it.   However, I CAN look back at past painful experiences and feel sincere gratitude for the personal growth I achieved through those times in my life, once I've come out the other side. I am hopeful that this recent episode will eventually follow that same pattern.  It's just getting through the here and now with the right attitude that can be a bit of a battle.


Some people try to minimize their own or other's pain by saying "oh, it could be so much worse" or pointing out a larger tragedy someone else has to carry.  I  know that by comparison, this current episode with my arm is small potatoes to what many others have had to face.  Still, as Ellen Bass wisely wrote in the book "Courage to Heal",   "Comparison's of people's pain simply isn't useful".   We each must deal with whatever cards we get dealt whatever best way we can.

At times the combination of pain and lack and rest can make me cranky.  Crankiness is seldom helpful.  In fact, that whole spectrum of crankiness, frustration, over-whelm, self pity or discouragement are a trap from the adversary to distract me from all that is good.

So I'm working really hard at using this pain as a reminder of the teachings of the Savior, who experienced every pain imaginable and continued in love.   


I learned a significant lesson about pain and adversity from one of the other missionary couples who were serving here when we first arrived.  Elder and Sister Brown were exemplary missionaries who gave great service.  However, they had to leave their mission early when Elder Brown was diagnosed with cancer.  He continues to undergo painful and difficult treatments in an effort to save his life.

Most would have been devastated by news such as this.   I'm sure they had some very low moments in coming to terms with the circumstances that came their way.  However, rather than moan or ask "why us?", the Brown's standard reply was this:  "Not all blessing come wrapped up in pretty packages."

So when I ache, when I feel discouraged by not having any answers or solutions, when I am tired from not getting uninterrupted sleep - rather than whine I am trying to really ponder.  I'm turning to my scriptures and to talks by various apostles from over the years about adversity, endurance, and the atonement.  I am also thinking of the Nephites who were in bondage as described in the Book of Mormon.  When they cried out to the Lord to be released from bondage, God chose not to have them set free.  But instead, he made their burdens light:

“And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs” (Mosiah 24:14).

Whether it be this recent issue of physical pain in my shoulder and arm or the larger issue of times when we all must endure the pains inevitable from living in this fallen mortal world, I want to remember the words of the Savior who said:

“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28–30).

Monday, June 8, 2015

The Power of FAMILY




Today missionaries and church employees who work in the Pacific Area Office were invited to gather together to view a recording of the funeral for an Apostle of God, Elder L. Tom Perry, who died last week at the age of 92.

Elder Perry was the second most senior member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, the second highest governing body of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saint,  having been called to the position in 1974 at the age of 52.  (Once called, apostles serve for life).

   (See LDS Leadership and Organization Page for list of names and biographies)
Elder Perry has spoken at nearly every general conference for all of the 33 years that I have been active in church. I will so miss his voice and special perspective.  
In our most recent conference this past April, Elder Perry gave a powerful talk : "Why Marriage and Family Matter--Everywhere in the World".  In that talk he said "Family is the center of life and is the key to eternal happiness."   He pointed out that "The entire theology of our restored gospel centers on families and on the new and everlasting covenant of marriage. In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we believe in a premortal life where we all lived as literal spirit children of God our Heavenly Father. We believe that we were, and still are, members of His family."
For many years of my college teaching career I taught courses on the Sociology of the Family and for a while a course in Marriage and Family Living.  So I have studied a lot of academic analysis about various family forms and how they relate to one another.

When I think of family, I of course think about my own tribe, in all its many incarnations.

My family of orientation is the family I grew up in:



Family of Don and Nancy Pendley in 1963



My family of procreation is the family I parented and reared

Ours is also a blended family since Elder Bennett and I each had children from previous marriages.  Ours never all lived together in the same house, but they all co-mingled in our hearts.  No matter who came from him and who came from me, they are all our kids and each and every one of them are part of who we are.

-

Then there is my extended family, made up of aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews, cousins, and inlaws, grandparents and grandchildren - looping all through the generations.
Pendley sibs with Spouses - 2010
5 generations of my family, from my sons to my great grandmother
Pendley Clan in Oak Creek, AZ 2013

As a Family History Missionary,  the whole focus of my service is wrapped up in the power of honoring both the roots and branches of family -  teaching the importance of learning all we can about the generations that have gone before us and building strong, loving ties with the generations coming up. 

The family of Aola Urade Krebs and Alta Geneva Booton - the little boy with the curly hair is my Grandpa, Louis Krebs

                             
                                    
                                                              A Gaggle of Grandkids!


Our family, like many these days, is no smooth and simple line for genealogy charts.

According to The Encyclopedia of New Zealand in the Maori language "Whānau is often translated as ‘family’, but its meaning is more complex. It includes physical, emotional and spiritual dimensions and is based on whakapapa. Whānau can be multi-layered, flexible and dynamic. "

That makes perfect sense to me - My Whānau includes a child who transitioned from one generation to another by adoption, and a young man who lived with us for a time with no formal legal claim to help him finish school who almost never communicated with us again once he graduated. Then there are my sons' former spouses and the children of my children's former spouse's new spouse, and the grandparents of a child with no blood tie to either myself or my husband who nevertheless is a very much a special part of our tribe known to us as our great-grandson.   In one family group there are children from multiple biological lineages.  In another family backflip the wife of my husband's son is the daughter of his ex-wife's second husband's third wife.How is that for complicated? 

Family is seldom simple.  Ours most certainly is not. 

                                       


                                    









I've given much thought to how much I identify myself by my various relationships to my family.

I've heard it said before that "no mother can be happier than her saddest child".  I used to believe that was true.  I've spent countless hours on my knees, tossing and turning in sleepless nights, or simply weeping for the struggles my various kids have had to face at one time or another over the years. No matter how rich the blessings of my own life might be, I would carry a constant pilot light of concern and worry over whatever was going on in their lives. The same was true of my siblings, and even a lot of my cousins.  I used to measure how much I loved them all by the degree to which their pain became my pain, their joys my joys.

I no longer choose that way of relating to my family members.

I still care deeply for each and every one of our tangle of progeny and extended kin.  But I have learned to let go a bit more.  I have not backed off in my affections one iota.  But I have learned to accept that they each have their own journey to discover.  My grieving and worrying will not help them.   So instead, these days I try to simply love them all and send energy from a position of strength and joy, even when their own lives may be tumbling all akimbo or the stresses of the world are wearing them down. Some I talk with (or write to) on a regular basis.  Some I go for long periods with little if any contact.  A few I have not spoken with in years. Nevertheless,  they are my FAMILY, and they mean the world to me.

So as we watch the funeral services of L.Tom Perry who was such a champion of strong, loving families, I was reminded all over again about the importance of staying connected and close, even when I'm very far away.

Just because I no longer want to have my heart wracked with worry over every little bump any of my kids or sibs might face most definitely does NOT mean I want to turn off the faucet of concern for them.  Loving with boundaries is all about balance.  I won't always get it right.  Far from it.  But the thing about family is that even when we stumble, even when we pull too close or push too far away, the bonds remain.  Sometimes there are misunderstandings.  Sometimes there are rough patches or even huge rifts.  But with prayerful, deliberate effort, we find our way back to each other as best we can.  We each decide the meaning we will give to these relationships we share.  Choosing to love ferociously these people whose attitudes, values, beliefs, behavior and lifestyles are in some cases miles apart from my own can be complicated business.  But they are my clan, my tribe, my Whānau, and I would not have it any other way.