Be Not Offended

WEDNESDAY – April 20

On Wednesday afternoon we met with the Stake Presidency for the Apia Central Stake.  This Stake was created in December 2013 and the current presidency has been in since December 2014. 

                      2^nd Counselor Lawrence L. Fuimaono  , President H. Jason Joseph,  1^st Counselor Penisini O. Vaiaoga

President Joseph is the manager over translation services for Samoa, so his office is right on the campus where the service center is.   This made it very convenient  to meet with him and his counselors there.  We had a good meeting that we definitely felt the Spirit guiding.

Next we went over to the service center to check our emails and touch base with Mike Higgins, our manager back in Auckland. The whole island of Upolu has metered internet service that is quite expensive so we only had 2 gigs available at the house where we were staying.  That was exhausted pretty quickly.  We were glad we had the option of using one of the office work stations to take care of business.

When we got into onto our work email, Larry learned that the recent order for new computers coming to Samoa to replace older models in Family History Centers would all be coming unimaged. There had been a lot of back and forth emails about this earlier. He had thought this issue had been resolved so that the machines would be sent loaded and ready to go. That was true for the ones being ordered for FHC's in New Zealand. For some reason, however, the ones coming to the islands were a different story.  Knowing it takes HOURS to install the image onto new computers, and that there are limited resources for technical expertise in many regions, Larry was quite frustrated by the whole situation.  Of all the different responsibilities we have as family history missionaries, the most difficult part for him has been the ordering system for equipment.  So when this order was not going out the way he had expected it to, he got more than a little aggravated.  The look on his face reminded me of a cartoon character getting upset with smoke coming out of their ears.  

 While he was not upset with me, he got quite cross just because of the situation.  Some of that spilled over to me as he said something rather abrupt, which was completely out of character for him.  Larry Bennett is one of the kindest, most respectful people I know.  So his words really stunned me.

For just a minute after my sweet husband's harsh words, I  sat silently recognizing that how I chose to respond could set the tone for how we would cope with stressful situations going forward on that trip and beyond. I recalled Elder Bednar’s talk about choosing not to take offense from 2006 General Conference.  That was such a powerful talk!  My favorite part of it is when he said:

“it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else”. 
  https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2006/10/and-nothing-shall-offend-them?lang=eng

Thinking about that talk in this situation helped me remain calm and recognize that my sweet husband’s harshness had nothing at all to do with me.  It was just his frustration over the situation.  Knowing there was no way I was going to be able to help him resolve it, I opted to walk back to the house and give him some space to deal with the problem in his own way on his own time.  I did not flounce off in a huff.  I simply told him I knew he was having a hard time with this and I hoped he could get it figured out.  I assured him it would all work out.

Larry finished the work he needed to do and then came back to the house a short time later. By then he had calmed down.   We talked it through and were able to get back on track with what we needed to do and the spirit we wanted to have with us.    

This experience was a good reminder to me of the absolute necessity of staying close to the spirit to help us remain united in our companionship regardless of what problems may come our way.

Being together 24/7 for two years could be a challenge for some couples.  For us, it has been great.  We've always had a good marriage based on kindness and mutual respect.  During this mission, however, there has been an amazing outpouring of increased tenderness and intimacy.  We've both felt so much love.  Still, there are times when we could choose to get our feelings hurt or to be annoyed with the other.  We are human.  I am so grateful for the teachings of an apostle of the Lord to help me know that I have the agency to make a better choice.

Saleilua Stake

One of our first scheduled trainings for this trip to Samoa was to Saleilua Stake.  We went over to the Ah Hoy’s home to pick them up and then headed over the mountain.The rain poured down in sheets as we dove, obscuring most of the view.  Still, though the steaming wet we could make out the beauty we remembered.

Saleilua Stake had been our very first training in Samoa back when we arrived in February 2015, just two months after our mission had begun.  President Kofe and some of the other council members present remembered us from before and welcomed us warmly.   We felt the training went very well.

As always, our two favorite things about the training was listening to the group sing and the feelings expressed in the room when we did the exercise of telling family stories.  These are such special experiences.  I hope I will always remember the feelings that were there this day.

President & Sister Kofe

Saleilua Stake leaders at training

 After our presentation we were served a delicious lunch of chicken, fish and curry soup.  Even the taro they served was better than usual, having been boiled in coconut milk rather than baked. However, knowing that stuff is VERY high in calories I took only a small portion.  I always strive to accept the hospitality we are offered out of respect for our hosts, while still trying to balance making best choices for my own health – a constant battle.

Our lovely meal

        

We visited with the leaders while we ate and then headed on back across the mountain to return to campus.  On the way we passed people who were busy gathering Nonu, a tree fruit that is believed to have medicinal properties.  It is exported to several other countries where it is processed into “Noni Juice” or various dietary supplements. We were reminded of how blessed Samoa is by having such a rich abundance of foods and healing plants that grow there.

 We also passed the place where there is a protected bay with an opening to the sea.  This is where the Ah Hoys told us the legend of Alo, the man who was swallowed by a large fish (canoe and all!) and then began cutting the fish from the inside.  He was ultimately rescued when the villagers captured the fish and cut it open.  We were reminded all over again of the power of stories for the Samoan people.  We want to incorporate that love of stories into our trainings as we encourage them to share their own family tales.

Two Ears and One Mouth

Tuesday was our first full day of meetings and teaching.   We started with a meeting with President Lake Ah Chong, the leader of Pesenga Stake.   We had a very good talk with him about his concerns for his stake and how Family History could be a key part of strengthening the members there.

This meeting very much illustrated the importance of LISTENING to Priesthood leaders to fully understand their concerns before jumping in to push our own agenda of promoting Family History.   President Ah Chong  shared some stories with us about some members in his Stake who were really struggling in poverty.  We talked about principles of self reliance and the challenges people in the island face. Through those conversations,we built trust as we showed understanding for the different issues that were most pressing for him.  Then, when we began talking about the promises associated with family history, he gave us his full attention and showed a sincere desire to find ways  to bless the members in his area. By the time our meeting ended he committed to following up on some goals the stake had been working on in the past which had since been let slide.

It reminded me of the old saying that we have Two Ears and One Mouth as a reminder that we should listen more than we talk.   My dad used to say "I already know what I have to say.  If I let someone else talk, I just might learn something."

Listening to others and listening to the Spirit are such vital tools.  I hope I will continue to practice to be a better listener - not just on this mission, but throughout all my days to come.

Tiny Miracles and Tender Mercies

Image from iamtonyang.com

We had one very special experience on Monday afternoon I do not ever want to forget.  It was another reminder to us of  how Heavenly Father is aware of the simplest details of our lives.   

We were both sitting at the table doing some computer work when one of the lenses popped out of Larry’s  bifocals.  Apparently the screw had come out at some point, so there was no way to fix them.  He can’t read anything at all without those glasses, so it was a problem.  As far as we knew, there were no optical shops in town.  So the only thing we knew to do was to go back into Apia to buy a pair of reading glasses that he could make do with till we got back to New Zealand.  

That was when I suddenly recalled that right before we left our apartment in Auckland, I had gotten a DISTINCT impression to  get the small glasses repair kit I keep in my jewelry box.   I don’t usually carry this on our travels, but I know well enough when I get a prompting I should follow it. So,  I had tucked it into my bag as I was packing.  However, in my preoccupation with getting everything ready to go, I had completely forgotten that I even had it.  

As we were preparing to leave, my mind suddenly opened up to a visual image of me picking up that little repair kit and putting it in my bag.   I walked down the hall to our bedroom to check, and sure enough, there it was.   We popped out the extra screw that was in the kit and in a few minutes had Larry's glasses put back together.   

We both had to marvel at this, as both the original prompting to pack the kit in the first place AND the reminder that I had it with me after I had forgotten all about it clearly felt like spiritual inspiration.   Sometimes these sort of promptings are about important matters of faith or key life decisions.   In this case, it came over a relatively minor thing that simply made our lives flow more easily.  Still, I was certain that it was a reminder that our Heavenly Father knows us in very personal ways and wants the best for us.  It made me resolve even more so to stay close to the spirit to recognize these promptings and then obey them when they come.

In addition, it helped me remember that I don't need great big miracles to recognize the hand of God in my life.   If I pay close attention, there are so many small things that others might brush off as luck, coincidence, or the product of their own thinking.  Not me.

I truly do believe with all my heart that there is a loving Heavenly Father who watches over us and guides us.  I believe in Guardian Angels who protect and prompt.  I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that the Holy Ghost as the testifier of truth brings thoughts to my mind or feelings to my heart at key moments to help me solve whatever challenges I face, or to answer questions both big and small.

If I have learned anything in this mission at all, it is that I am most definitely NOT alone.  We've done some great things during the course of our service, but we can't really take credit for it.  So often we have felt surrounded by angels. I know that in some of our trainings the spirits of the ancestors of the people we are with have accompanied us.  We have felt it.

 I have learned to trust that my life has purpose and meaning. I have learned to believe that if I stay close to the spirit, the Lord will use me in ways that will bless the lives of others, and in turn will bring me tremendous joy. I have learned that miracles and tender mercies come in many different ways, some small and some dramatic.  Above all,  I know without question that God is aware of me.  He knows my needs.  He knows my feelings.  He understands my nature to my very core.  He will always, ALWAYS be there for us - sometimes to help us resolve situations, sometimes to give us the strength and the calmness we need to simply endure the situation.  Either way, His love is real.  In this mission, we feel that every day.   

Return to Samoa

We are back on the road again - with our second trip to Samoa.

Here is a summary of what we have been up to.

FRIDAY-April 15 (Travel Day)

This was probably our smoothest exit so far of any of our international trips. We had a shuttle picking us up at noon, so we had the whole morning to get ready.   With ten overseas trips under our belt over the past 16 months, we no longer have frantic last minute scrambles. 

We had our bags packed, weight checked, and apartment in good order in plenty of time to leave room for quiet reflection and prayer, asking for guidance for who we should meet with in Samoa. 

 Denny Afualo and his wife picked us up at the airport.   (Denny is the service center manager in Samoa). He took us to our accommodations at the church campus.  This time rather than putting us in the patron apartments next to the temple, we were in the Upper Village in house 42.   It was a huge house with comfortable furniture, a spacious kitchen, and best of all a BATHTUB!   We were delighted.   The Afualos had also done a bit of shopping to be sure we had some basic foods in the house (bread, milk, eggs, butter and jam, cooking oil, fruit, juice, bottled water) which we very much appreciated.   We got settled in and then went to bed early to get a good night’s rest.

SATURDAY – April 16
We got up bright and early the next day  so we could attend the 7:30 AM session at the temple. It felt good to begin our time in Samoa getting spiritually grounded, opening our minds and spirits to whatever direction the Lord would have for us.

Apia Samoa Temple image found HERE

We took care of errands – changed money, did some grocery shopping, and gave some other Senior Missionaries from Auckland a ride back to the airport. (Our good friends, the Hendersons, who we serve with the in Pacific Area Office who had been in Apia on assignment). 

One of the things we always need to think about where ever we travel is the exchange rate of local currency so we know what we are really spending.   Prices of a lot of things in Samoa SEEM outrageously high, but when we remember that one Samoan Tala is worth less than forty cents in America currency, suddenly prices aren’t such a shock.  A box of cereal cost us $18.20 tala – about $7.00 in US dollars.  We could buy local produce and fish relatively inexpensively, but anything imported would come at a premium.  

Images of Samoan money found HERE

Image of  currency exchange HERE

We stopped for a bit of lunch at the Fish & Chips place Mike had shown us on our previous trip.  We also did some grocery shopping at the various markets.  As usual, Elder Bennett did a great job of navigating the island. We were able to find our way around well based on our memory of our time there the previous year.

Meal preparation in the islands always requires a bit of creativity since what is available to us there is generally different from what we are accustomed to.  That night for dinner I baked a concoction of eggplant and bok choy in tomato sauce with sardines and served it over ramen noodles.   It was surprisingly tasty!    The one thing I had forgotten to bring on this trip was my spices, which I regretted.  Still, even without the seasonings we would have preferred, we enjoyed the meal and were in high spirits as we anticipated all that lay before us. 

SUNDAY – April 17
We attended the 5^th Ward of Pesega Stake, as we had last time.  Previously this congregation held their meetings in the assembly room of the church school.  Since our last trip, however, they had changed locations.  They were now meeting in the Lotopa Chapel / Stake Center up the road.  This was more comfortable and more reverent.  However,  in order to fit their meetings in with the other congregations that already used that building, 5^th ward was scheduled to begin at 7:30 AM.  So we had another early start to our day.

Two things stuck out to me from the teachings in church that day:

First – in Sacrament meeting the topic was Prophesy and Personal Revelation. One of the speakers gave an example of making overseas calls, something all of us here in the Pacific Area can relate to.  I thought this was a great example that she used very well to illustrate the point she wanted to make.

She stated that sometimes we get good reception on overseas calls and sometimes we don’t.  When the line is not clear, we sometimes move around to find the best spot to stand to improve reception until we can hear more clearly.  (In our apartment back in Auckland there is a sweet spot closest to the glass doors to the balcony where we often need to go if we want our calls out to be clear.)   In life, we must stand in holy places to receive messages from the spirit. That can be the temple, church attendance, or our own homes.  I wrote in my notes:  “What choices am I making to keep my home a holy place?”

She also reminded us that to make an overseas call we must have sufficient credit on our phone account.  We must develop “credit” with the Lord through fasting, prayer and obedience to the commandments to establish our preparedness to receive inspiration / personal revelation.

Second – in Sunday School class we were discussing the teachings of King Benjamin from the Book of Mormon.  It was pointed out that King Benjamin FIRST taught his own sons, and then he went on to teach the nation.  No matter what we aim to contribute to the world, our first responsibility is to righteously lead our own families.  

That reminded me of the talk Elder Pearson recently gave emphasizing the importance of strong teaching in the home.

After Church we met with Bishop Pauga.   We talked with him about the past family history activities in his ward and asked about how they are working on current goals.   He invited us to come present to the full ward council on Tuesday night which we were happy to accept

That evening our old friend Brother Ah Hoy came over to our place and we had a wonderful time catching up on how he and his wife had been since we saw them last.  Of course we discussed family history, so I opened up FamilySearch on our laptop and we did some work with him on his family lines.  While Poao has a strong testimony of the importance of family history and temple work, he is not computer literate at all so he has relied on others to do the actual work.  We showed him some basic things about the program and encouraged him to learn more.



MONDAY - APRIL 18

Monday morning we went into town for Elder Bennett to get his temporary drivers license from the Post Office.    As long as we were in town, we decided to  walk down to Farmers to buy a couple small towels for Elder Bennett to carry.  Samoan heat and humidity in April were  not quite so intense as  when we were there in February/March 2015, but it still felt a bit like walking though a sauna.  In Samoa Larry carries a cloth with him where ever we go to wipe his perspiration.   We also picked up a great shirt for him that we both liked a lot and I bought a brightly colored piece of fabric from one of the street vendors.  It was a beautiful morning.  We enjoyed getting refamiliarized with our surrounding and comparing notes of our perceptions from our previous visit..

Most of downtown Apia was very familiar to us.  There were a few changes.  We were surprised to see the main grocery store there was now vacant (we learned later they moved to a different location) and a restaurant we had once eaten in was now out of business (that one was NOT a surprise…it won’t be missed).

Image of Downtown Apia from Pinterest

Monday morning we went over to the Service Center to meet with Denny.  We again expressed our appreciation for all he had done to ensure we had a comfortable place to stay.   We talked about our schedule and reviewed the list we had of contact information for all the Stake Presidents.  He let us know of a few changes that had taken place already and a couple others who would be changed in the next month.   That was a big help.

Next we met with Elder & Sister Shaeffemeyer, the technology specialists for Samoa.   We had a great discussion with them about the work we planned to do. They gave us the contact info for a man in Savaii who we could contact to set up meetings with the Stake Presidents there.   We discussed equipment in the various FHC’s and the general progress of the work.  
                                                         
That afternoon both Poao and Atalina Ah Hoy came over .  Again we got onto FamilySearch and I was able to show Atalina some of the same things I had shared with her husband the night before.  We talked with them both about their role as Area Family History Advisors and did the best we could to be of support to them.

Atalina and Poao AhHoy

That evening we went out to dinner with the Shaeffermeyers at a restaurant on the harbor called Swashbucklers.  We enjoyed sitting out on the deck of the restaurant, wantching the light shift and seeing boats go by.

Elder & Sister Shaeffermeyer - Technology Specialists in Samoa

It felt good to be back.  While much about the place and the assigned work was the same as when we had been there before, we couldn't help but notice how much WE had changed.  When we had come to Samoa the first time, we were very unsure of what to say or do.  We were still very green missionaries, only having been out a couple months.   This time we came as seasoned servants of our Heavenly Father.  We had been through so many experiences that had taught us a lot.  We were excited to share this knowledge with the good people of Samoa who we had learned to love.

What we noticed more than anything was how much we had truly come to love the people we were serving, and how much they loved us in return.   Working in the office in New Zealand we generally felt respected and appreciated.  In the Islands, however, we felt overwhelming love.   Part of that was because of how closely we worked with the Area Advisors in each island group. Part of it was a product of working entirely by the direction of the Holy Spirit to know what to do or say, which surrounded us all with sacred sense of purpose.  Beyond that, the hearts of the Polynesian people were so open and close to the Spirit,  that the love the extended to us was unlike anything we had known before the mission.  It was truly a remarkable feeling.

The beauty of the place, the closeness we felt to Heavenly Father, and the sweet kindness of the people there all converged to overwhelm us with emotions.  We knew this was the last time we would ever be there.  We wanted to do all that we could to make ever day of this trip count.                                            

Elder & Sister Garth

Some of my best memories of this mission will be of that amazing people we have met during our service.   Among these will be Elder & Sister Garth, who come from South Victoria, Australia.

The Garths work in the mission office so we do not see them as often as the ones who work in the Pacific Area Office with us.   But through our visits at Family Home Evenings and times when I go over to their office which is just around the corner from ours, I've come to appreciat them both for their deep faith, their humor, their kindness and humility.

I rode over to the Sister's Conference with Sister Garth, so it gave me a chance to get to know her a little bit better.  I was so impressed by what I learned.

Elder Garth's career was a prestigious one in finance. He has all sorts of  corporate experience and several degrees.   Before coming on this mission he was NOT a "Mister - Fix - It" sort of guy.  He worked in an office crunching numbers and making deals.  If something needed repaired, he wrote a check to get it done.

In the mission, however, his assignment has been to take charge of the missionary housing.   That means he has to clean up missionary flats and fix things, to paint and patch.   It is an assignment that was FAR outside his comfort zone or knowledge when he first started.  But you would never know that to talk to Elder Garth.

I have NEVER hear him utter a word of complaint about the things he is asked to do.  He always has a smile on his face.  He always is eager to offer a helping hand if anyone has a need.

Then there is Sister Garth.  She has had some significant health challenges in her life.  Even now she has to deal with a level of pain and limitation that would make many people say mission service was out of the question for them.   But not her.  Her attitude is that as long as she can get up and serve, she will do it willingly and cheerfully.   I don't think I've ever met anyone as sincere and loving as these two sweet servants of the Lord.   They are both such great examples to me.

When I have a hard day or am asked to do something that I don't like or don't feel equipped to do, I hope I will always remember the Garths.

Sisters Conference in Auckland

I attended a very special gathering of women in Auckland.   It was the Sisters Conference organized by Sister Robyn Balli, the Mission President's wife.  Sister Missionaries both young and old gathered together for a full day of uplifting messages, fun skits, a scrumptious meal and good council.

The theme of the conference was "We Need Sisters Who....", based on the talk by Russel M. Nelson "A Plea to My Sisters" given in the October 2015 General Conference.

This is what MormonNewsroom had to say about the event:

The purpose of the gathering in Auckland on Thursday was to discuss in depth the subject, “We need women who…”—a subject formerly introduced in talks by Russell M. Nelson and Boyd K. Packer (1924-2015), apostles in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

President Nelson said, “We need your strength, your conversion, your conviction, your ability to lead, your wisdom, and your voices.

"We need women who know how to make important things happen by their faith and who are courageous defenders of morality and families in a sin-sick world."

Elder Packer said, “We need women who are organized and women who can organize. We need women with executive ability who can plan and direct and administer; women who can teach, women who can speak out.

"We need women with the gift of discernment who can view the trends in the world and detect those that, however popular, are shallow or dangerous."

Sister Robyn Balli, wife of President Frederick K. Balli, who presides over the New Zealand Auckland Mission, organized and conducted the day-long conference.

In her message to the women on Thursday she likened each individual's development to that of a pearl in an oyster that takes an "irritant" or "weakness" and from that develops lustrous layer upon layer of learning as our knowledge and faith develops until one becomes a "pearl of great price." 

Balli said the talks given by Nelson and Packer were for today's women. "They can empower us to realize the scope and influence we can have as we seek to be daughters of faith and understand and teach the doctrines of Christ."

Her talk included the following points:

“We need women who know how to make important things happen by their faith.

“We need women who know how to receive personal revelation. Who speak those things that come to their heart and mind as directed by the Spirit.

“We need women who have a bedrock understanding of the doctrine of Christ who will use that understanding to teach.

“We need women who speak up…We need your impressions, your insights, and your inspiration.

“We need women who teach fearlessly, who can speak with the power and authority of God.

“We need women who know how to draw upon the powers of heaven.

“We need women who with the gift of discernment can view the trends in the world, and detect deception in all of its forms…who are courageous defenders of morality.”

I'm always baffled by those who say that the LDS faith holds women in any sort of subservient role simply because only men are ordained to the Priesthood. While it is inevitable that some individual men in the church (some who may hold local positions of leadership) may have demeaning attitudes or behavior toward women, the PRINCIPLES of the gospel are quite clear that the Lord honors women and that members of the church are supposed to do the same.

In all the years I have been an active member of this church I have been treated with respect by the overwhelming majority of the leaders and officers of my faith.

I have been taught so many good and useful things  in the classes that have been offered to me.  I have been given opportunities to grow and stretch, developing new talents and abilities.  I have also been given opportunities to lead groups in meaningful ways.

Today more than ever before women of the church are being included in key councils and being given responsibility for critical projects.
Over and over I hear talks about the important role of women in the church.   This one was a good one, but certainly not unique.

I am so grateful to be a woman in the gospel at this time in history and in a place in the world where I can speak up and speak out knowing I can contribute and have it be valued.

I will go back and read and/or listen to this full talk again, along with some of the others that have been given on the topic of women in the church, to better understand how I can best strengthen my home, family and community through righteous influence.

I will also ponder the poem that Sister Balli shared about the pearl and think about how I choose to respond to things that may irritate me or which I struggle with.

I hope I can always remember the lessons I learned from this conference.  I want to be one of the kind of women Elder Nelson spoke of, who will make a difference for good.