Getting Brenda Back

Brenda in High School

Another delight for me on this trip was spending a night at the home of my dear friend, Brenda Bell Cofer.  I have been friends with Brenda since the 6th grade.  During our teen age years she was very dear to me.  Then her family moved to Texas and I completely lost touch with her.  That left a big hole.

Years went by and life took over. We both had our ups and downs throughout our growing up years without knowing where the other one was, but we never forgot each other.  Then a couple years ago we reconnected through facebook.   Finding each other again after all those years was like a miracle for us both

Our 2013 reunion

Although she and her sweet husband, Doug, have lived in Alaska for several years, they have now built a house in Clarkdale which they will use as a home base, traveling back and forth some to maintain their business there.  Doug will stay longer in Alaska to maintain residency, but when he is ready to retire Brenda hopes they will transition to having AZ as their primary home, only going up to Alaska for the summers. As beautiful as Alaska is, the long winter dark is difficult to endure year after year.  Besides,  Arizona is her history.  She and Doug did a great job on the place they built, with Brenda doing much of the work herself.

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She and Doug took Larry and I out for Mexican Food in Cottonwood - the town nearby where Brenda and I both lived when we were girls.  Then when we came back to the house we sat up till the wee hours of the night talking and talking and talking.  I've met many wonderful people over the years and have been blessed with some mighty fine friends.  But there is something very special about having someone with such deep shared history.  Even though we were apart for such a long, long time,  the torch of our friendship never dimmed.

Our lives have been very different.  But our deep regard for each other is a blessing to both of our lives.  It was so good to have this delicious visit with my friend Brenda.  I look forward to having lots more of them when this mission is done.

My Kurtz Connections

On Sunday we were blessed with a gathering of my my mother's cousins.  We started this as an annual tradition a few years ago.  When my aunt and uncle in Colorado shipped me several boxes of family photos, letters, genealogy files and miscelaneous papers that had belonged to my maternal grandmother, I spent several months scanning as many of the photos as I could.  Once I got all the pictures digitized I took two suitcases of the original photographs with me to Arizona to pass them back to the various family groups that the pictures were of.   That first visit at Gloria's house was very special as we all shared family stories from over the years.   Our love for each other began to blossom that day, and has grown stronger with every gathering since.  

Last year we held our gathering in November at Don Goddard's place, right before Larry and I were to head out on our mission.   We assumed this year we would be skipping our annual get together due to our mission.  That had worried me since several of the people who come each year are getting up in years and some have had some serious health challenges recently. We never know how many more visits like this there may be.  When we learned we would be getting to come to the USA for this special trip, one of the joys of that was knowing I could be with these dear ones again. I love them more than I can say.  

I especially appreciated my aunt, Nina Lovett (pictured here with her youngest son, John), for hosting the gathering this year.   For many years Nina and I did not have a warm relationship.  The truth is, for a long time I chose not to communicate with her at all.  The reasons why no longer matter.   It is significant to me though, that right before our mission,  Nina and I reclaimed the opportunity to share each other's lives.  Both of us softened our hearts and let go of the harsh judgments that had caused bumps in the past.  I'm so grateful for that.   Life is too short for holding grudges over old hurt feelings or offences.  I feel richly blessed to have Nina back in my life.

Families can be complicated.  The Pendley clan certainly has been.  Yet the blessings of family connection offer a richness to life like no other.   I'm glad that I've learned that lesson before it was too late.

Our Arizona Family

We spent the first part of our USA visit in Arizona.   As we were preparing to land in LA after the 12 hour flight from New Zealand I was shocked to see how BROWN everything looked.   After over a year in a paradise of green, it was a big adjustment.   But once we had been in AZ for a couple days I was reminded that the desert has it's own beauty.

We had a bit of a bumpy re-entry as we had to deal with some car problems we had not anticipated, but once that was taken care of things were pretty smooth sailing.  

It was wonderful to see our family.  We had great visits with Darrin, Kris, Jacob and Troy in Maricopa.  Our annual tradition is to spend Christmas at their house.  They are always so gracious and welcoming when we stay with them.  This time I spent the the visit just savoring our time with them rather than taking photos.   but here are a couple  favorite picture of us from our 2012 Christmas visit.

                               

We couldn't believe how much our grandson, Jacob, had grown since we had seen him last.  We are fortunate that we have been able to stay close with frequent FaceTime Visits, so we see him on a regular basis.  Still, actually getting to be there to cuddle, read books together and play with him was absolutely wonderful!

We were also really glad it worked out that we were there when we could be of the most support to Kris and Darrin.  Troy, Larry's youngest son whom they have guardianship for, had been in the hospital with a serious infection.  He was back home and doing much better when we arrived, but he needed to stay home a few days before the doctors would release him to return to work.  Both Kris and Darrin had to get back to their own jobs, after having spent much time away to be at the hospital with Troy during his illness.  So it was a good thing we could be there to stay with Troy during that time.

There are no words to express how grateful we are to both Kris and Darrin for how well they care for our sweet son with special needs.  We are also deeply grateful for Troy's successful recovery from the basal cell carcinoma on his face that was discovered right before we left.  Although the cancer and the radiation both have left this nose significantly damaged, because of Troy's cognitive delays he does not seem to be self conscious of his appearance.  We are just glad to have him doing so much better. 
Here are a couple of my favorite shots of Troy:

                                       
                                                                    Troy in 2010

Troy at Disneyland earlier this year.  Kris & Darrin gave us a wonderful calendar as a Christmas gift with photos of their family on each page from their Disneyland adventure.  We were so pleased to see how much fun they had!

We also got some time with Gabriel, Jacob's older brother who is our GREAT-grandson.  We took the kids to see Santa Clause and very much enjoyed the lights and festivities - FINALLY helping me to get into the Christmas Spirit .

We had less time with Greg, Larry's other son who lives all the way over in Casa Grande.  But even though our visit with him was shorter, it was great to see him too.

Now that the visit is over, I do wish I had taken more pictures to hold on to the memories. However, I realize it can be annoying to family to always have a camera in their face. In the future I'll strive for more balance, hopefully getting a few more shots than this trip, but perhaps less than I have in the past.   With or without pictures to prove it though, we really were so happy to see them all and love them all to the moon and back.

The Relativity of Time

Shortly after arriving in Arizona, Elder Bennett and I went to go see the film Interstellar.  In the movie, we get peek of the world at some point in the future when the earth is in decline.  It never really gets specific about what went wrong.  But it is clear the environment has become toxic.  Nearly all the crops have failed.  The population is radically reduced.  The world is on the brink of becoming unable to support human life.  So a super secret branch of what remains of the old NASA organization plans an exploration to seek other worlds that may offer a brighter future.  They shoot a series of crafts through a wormhole that allows explorers to go to another galaxy to check out potential new worlds for establishing a human colony.  And then a bunch of stuff happens.  (No spoilers here!)

One of the interesting concepts that this movie plays with is the relativity of time.  As the explorers get closer to a black hole, time shifts.  Those who go down to a planet on an exploratory excursion come back to the main ship in what feel to them like a matter of hours.  To the crew member who had been left back on the ship, however, the experience has been of many years passing.

According to Albert Einstein's theory of relativity

time and space interact in some interesting ways.   The closer one is to a source of gravity, the slower time passes.  So, if time speeds up away from gravity, being in free space would make someone get old faster than if they stayed on earth.  However, if they get close to a black hole, which is the mother bear of gravity sources, time will slow way, way down.  (Photo credit- From article "Albert Einstein and the Fabric of Time"  For full article click  HERE) 

Back here on earth the passage of actual time may not change, but my perception of it certainly does.  The past six weeks seem to have literally flown by.  It seems we barely arrived and now in just two days we will be leaving to enter the MTC.  It hardly seems possible.

Will it feel like this when our two year mission is over?  Will it feel like this when my whole life is over?

Years ago I read the book Einstein's Dreams by Alan Lightman.

 From Amazon.com:  A modern classic, Einstein’s Dreams is a fictional collage of stories dreamed by Albert Einstein in 1905, when he worked in a patent office in Switzerland. As the defiant but sensitive young genius is creating his theory of relativity, a new conception of time, he imagines many possible worlds. In one, time is circular, so that people are fated to repeat triumphs and failures over and over. In another, there is a place where time stands still, visited by lovers and parents clinging to their children. In another, time is a nightingale, sometimes trapped by a bell jar.

Sometimes I wonder how time appears to eternal beings.  Are perceptions linear?  Or do all things - those we consider past, present and future, or even potential possibilities, appear together?

When my creator is aware of me, is it as I am NOW, in this moment, or is it as I have always been and may yet become?

When I look at my children I most definitely relate to them as the adults they are now.  Yet my perceptions of them are also very much colored by the experiences I had with them when they were children.    When I dream of them it is most often of them as little kids.  When I look at myself in the mirror think I do see the 57 yr old woman I am today.  But when I close my eyes how I think of myself is usually younger.  I expect that gap to grow exponentially as I continue to age.  The photographer Tom Hussey has captured a

See more of Hussey's work HERE

series of pictures to illustrate that split between how older people appear to others and how they think of themselves.

According to an article in USA Today,  "Overall, 60% of those age 65 and older say they feel younger than their age. Almost half of those age 50 and older say they feel at least 10 years younger than their chronological age; among ages 65 to 74, one-third say they feel 10 to 19 years younger than their age."

Sometimes when I consider entering the mission field as a "Senior Missionary" I don't feel like I'm all that senior.  But as we prepare to enter the MTC next week, I AM feeling very ready to be a full time missionary.   After all these weeks of talking about it, thinking about, preparing for it, I am every so ready for my badge.

The Refiner's Fire

We have been away from home for over a month now.  I can scarcely believe how fast it has gone by.  We have just this one last week here in Arizona before we fly off to Utah to enter the Missionary Training Center (MTC).

The page about the MTC  on the Church's website says:

"At the Church's Missionary Training Center (MTC) in Provo, Utah, young men and women as well as retired men and women from around the world come together to prepare to serve the Lord. The purpose of the MTC is to provide an atmosphere of peace, love, trust, confidence, and respect in which missionaries can prepare for missionary service".

 I look forward to our MTC experience.  However, we better not blink.  Unlike the young elders and sisters, we will be there just one week.  Then we move on to Salt Lake City where we will do an additional week of training specific to Family History.  Those classes will be at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building.  

After that we will be leaving the country to begin our mission in New Zealand.  I am excited.  I am terrified.  I am grateful for this opportunity.  Yet I also have been quite surprised by the levels of homesickness I have wrestled with since we left Boise.

I fully expected to miss my friends and family.  I knew I would miss my house, my yard and my dog.  I even acknowledged I would miss my job, despite the fact some people said it must be wonderful to be able to walk away from the world of work.

What I did NOT expect were the tsunami waves of emotion that would hit me with deep longing.  I did not expect the tearfulness.  I did not expect the crushing ache of being adrift, away from life that I loved.

Don't get me wrong.  I have ZERO regrets or reservations about the choice we have made to go on this mission.  I absolutely know beyond any shadow of a doubt that we are doing exactly the right thing.

But that does not make it easy.

Even when Boise got hit with an early winter storm leaving my friends dealing with THIS: 

From my garden pal Victoria's blog:  Our life in Idaho

and I had the luxury of THIS:

I still found myself missing home.   Ok, I do admit, missing out on all that cold, snowy weather did not exactly break my heart.  Still, I would get a lump in my throat every time I would think of my sweet grandchildren.   I ached to go for a walk with my best friend so we could just talk.  (I would have even settled for shoveling snow with her!)

In an Aug 16, 2014 article about Homesickness by Dennis Ho it says:

"...despite the way it's coined, homesickness isn't necessarily about home. And neither is it exactly an illness, experts said.  Instead, it stems from our instinctive need for love, protection and security -- feelings and qualities usually associated with home, said Josh Klapow, a clinical psychologist and associate professor at the University of Alabama's School of Public Health. When these qualities aren't present in a new environment, we begin to long for them -- and hence home.
"You're not literally just missing your house. You're missing what's normal, what is routine, the larger sense of social space, because those are the things that help us survive," 

My situation has been different from that of most college freshman or young people who go off to join the military.  For one thing, I have been accompanied by my sweet husband.  That is a huge plus. Also the place where we are staying is actually very familiar to us since we have been in our son's home since October 21.  I know without question that I am safe and welcome here.

Still, forfeiting the familiarity of my old routine definitely set off an emotional whirlwind.  I found myself waking with a start from bizarre packing dreams.   One night I dreamed there had been a change, with the church notifying us we now would be sent to Bulgaria.  (Did I mention I REALLY don't like the cold?)  In that dream I was scrambling to figure out how I could possibly get long-johns, boots and a parka into my suitcase without going over the 50 lb limit.

I've been very blessed by how patient Elder Bennett has been with me as I've wrestled with all these turbulent emotions.  I know it makes him uncomfortable when some innocuous thing triggers me to again burst into tears.  I know he would like me to get over it and get with the program.  However, I also know that he will support me any way he can as I work my way through this.   And work through it I will.  I'm just very, very glad that we had this buffer time between when we left our home and when we will enter the MTC so I have a chance to get the most potent phase of it under my belt before I begin applying myself to learning the things the MTC will teach me.  I really do feel as though now I am in a much better state for giving my full focus to the task at hand.

When I get caught up in new waves of difficult emotions - fear, anxiety, longing for home, I remind myself of the quote that was passed on by  Gordon B. Hinkley:

“I enjoy these words of Jenkins Lloyd Jones which I clipped from a column in the Deseret News some years ago. … Said he:

“‘Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed.

“‘Most putts don’t drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise.

“‘Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed.

“‘The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.’ (Deseret News, 12 June 1973.)” (Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley [1997], 254).

Remembering Enterprise

Photo of Enterprise, OR from Google Images

Several years ago, my sweet husband and I had an opportunity to take a get-away weekend of fishing, hiking and camping near Enterprise, Oregon.   We had a wonderful time there.  The weather was perfect, the scenery was gorgeous and the fish were biting.  We got a chance to fully unwind and connect. However, it is neither the fishing success nor the great views that we have remembered best over the years since that long ago visit. What we have always held in our minds and close to our hearts about that particular trip is the experience we had going to church there on Sunday.
 
We have visited many different congregations in various parts of the country as we have traveled over the years.  Because the LDS church is based on direction and guidance from a central leadership in Salt Lake City, the overall format of how meetings are run is fairly consistent no matter where you show up.  There is a welcome from the pulpit by whichever leader is conducting the meeting .  Then there is an opening song and a prayer.  There is more singing, followed by administration of the sacrament.  After that there will be talks presented by members of the congregation who have been assigned to address a particular topic.  Whether in Maine or Montana, in small rural communities or big urban centers,  in this country or in other parts of the world, an LDS church services look pretty much the same.
 
What was quite different in our experience at the church service in Enterprise was the way that we were welcomed by the members.  They truly set the gold standard by which we have measured every other ward or branch we have had occasion to visit.  

In most congregations a few folks will say hello to newcomers, coming over to introduce themselves and shake hands when they see an unfamiliar face.  In Enterprise, however, the welcome we received far surpassed any standard social courtesy.  The people there greeted us with a level of warmth and graciousness we had never ever experienced before, and truth be know have never seen since.
 
The congregation in Enterprise was a small "branch", meaning there were fewer people and not all of the administrative organization typically found in a "ward", the general LDS meeting group.   However, what they lacked in numbers they more than made up for with their big hearts.

We were astonished by how many people came up to us to say hello and introduce themselves.  This was not your run-of-the-mill be polite to the strangers sort of greeting. They genuinely showed pleasure about having us there.   There were so many handshakes and warm smiles, invitations to sit with others that we felt like part of a large extended family.  When we said we were "just visiting" they made it very clear that they were sincerely delighted to have us join them.  They asked about where we were from and then really paid attention to our answers.  The level of eye contact, warm smiles and presence that these members extended toward us just blew us away.  When we left at the end of the three hour meeting block we got many invitations to come back again.    We felt genuinely cared about in that branch, even though it was the only time we were ever there.

During the past several weeks we have had opportunities to visit  different congregations while we have been in this "in-between time"...no longer in our home ward back in Boise, but not yet officially in the mission field.  Most of the congregations we have visited have been welcoming and friendly. In a few we have scarcely been acknowledged, leaving us feeling like ghosts.

Whenever I have an experience like that, rather than point fingers at the people who did not take the time to extend themselves toward me more warmly, I begin to personally reflect on my own patterns of how welcoming I am towards people I don't know.  How consistently do I look for unfamiliar faces at church and then make a point of going over to greet them?  Beyond that, how open and friendly am I to the people that I do know?  Do I make people feel more like my Enterprise experience or do I contribute to anyone there feeling overlooked or unappreciated?

Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles shared a portion of a letter from a friend who learned how to find joy in attending church:

“Years ago, I changed my attitude about going to church. No longer do I go to church for my sake, but to think of others. I make a point of saying hello to people who sit alone, to welcome visitors, … to volunteer for an assignment. …In short, I go to church each week with the intent of being active, not passive, and making a positive difference in people’s lives. Consequently, my attendance at Church meetings is so much more enjoyable and fulfilling” (quoted in “Unselfish Service,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2009, 96).

I can remember to smile and go out of my way to greet others, even when I am a guest in an unfamiliar ward.  I do not have to wait for people to come to me.  If I leave a church service feeling like a ghost, then I have not done my part.

I will continue to remember the good people of Enterprise, Oregon and do all I can to emulate their kindness. Beyond that I can follow their example in other areas of my life - not just how I act in church.  How we treat the people around us really does matter.

Dedication of the Phoenix, AZ Temple

Photo Credit:  LDS.org

Today was the dedication of the new Phoenix, Arizona Temple.  Larry and I were able to view the ceremony remotely since they broadcast live to all the Stake Centers in the area.

I was particularly impressed by the talk given by Elder Richard J. Maynes, a member of the presidency of the Seventy.  He talked about the promise of Elijah and the Abrahamic Covenant:   "Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord:  And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.^{'"  (Malachi 4:5-6)  (See Talk "Hearts Bound Together" by Henry B. Eyring given April 2005)}

  

<sup>As we prepare to begin our Family History Mission we will be very attuned to that promise.  It's great when people can learn stories about their families and have a better understanding of who their ancestors are.  But the driving reason behind all that we do is to make possible the sacred ordinances of the temple that bind families together in an eternal chain.

In an article on the Abrahamic Covenant by Kent Jackson, a professor of ancient scripture at BYU, it says:
"The Lord has restored the gospel in modern times for the blessing of all people. Every faithful man and woman can receive its blessings to the fullest degree, by accepting baptismal and temple covenants and by living righteously. Privileged as we are to live when covenant blessings are available among the Lord’s Saints, we have a marvelous opportunity and a great responsibility to make those blessings available to all our Father’s children."  (Jackson, K. 1990.)

I was also reminded that prior to the dedication, this temple was just another pretty building built by men.  Once it was dedicated by our prophet, it became a consecrated House of the Lord.  Likewise I can dedicate my life to doing the work of Heavenly Father. 

In Oct 2010 D. Todd Christensen of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught:</sup>
"To consecrate is to set apart or dedicate something as sacred, devoted to holy purposes. True success in this life comes in consecrating our lives—that is, our time and choices—to God’s purposes (see John 17:1, 4; D&C 19:19). In so doing, we permit Him to raise us to our highest destiny."

I have this image in my mind of when we take our car through the car wash back home.  As we drive in, we steer the car onto the metal frame that guides the car through the wash.  We are instructed to put the car in neutral and keep hands off the wheel, foot off the pedals.  We allow the car to be carried forward through the system of brushes and water and soap to exit out the end all shiny and clean.   Right now as we begin this mission we are learning to allow our lives to enter a period of being guided by our Priesthood leaders and the direction of the Holy Spirit.  We are not in charge of our priorities or our activities.   Truly, we will let "Jesus take the wheel".   I really do believe that as we consecrate our time, talents and resources for these next two years we will washing our inner vessel just as the car wash in Boise scrubbed our automobile.   We will be changed for the better. 

As we continue to make temple attendance a regular part of our lives we will better learn to recognize the instruction available to us by personal revelation.  We can learn to recognize God's purposes for us more fluently.   Particularly as we take part in completing the ordinances for our own family we will be more open to "both halves of the blessing" .  As Howard W. Hunter said in a February 1995 address: "...the temple is a place of beauty; it is a place of revelation; it is a place of peace. It is the house of the Lord. It is holy unto the Lord. It must be holy and important to us."